11 July 2007

Boston Tea Party

Now Serving Strawberry Hippie Juice

Chapter I - Health Benefits of Exploitation

Paying Indians chicken feed to do your job for you isn't just outsourcing your work - it's also outsourcing your misery. Like the reverse of an international happiness vampire, our friends from across the Pacific welcome all of our unpleasant emotions. They don't mind suffering through depression and regret - on the contrary, they welcome the opportunity to improve their station in the world through fair, honest work. They're eager little beavers, ready to contribute to the world's mental health as well as its economy. You're doing them a favor by helping them to fulfill their dreams, and it improves your well-being! Be sure to also look at alternative medicines from India that we've culturally appropriated into health-fads. The more you offend their culture, the more unhappy they'll be, which we now know is the most humane result.

Someday, someone I know is going to discover a portrait of Gandhi spray-painted on his house.

...by disgruntled Indians.

...not me.

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