Sammitch

Ann Coulter makes baby Jesus cry. Also, she makes the population cry with her terrible attention-grabbing theories. More here.

STFU and disappear,
that is all.

Newses and newses of newses

Now Serving Trader Joe's Orange Spice Rooibos Herbal Tea

Bill O'Reilly says he's being smeared; he should get a kerchief

Check this out: "If you listened to the full hour," says O'Reilly, "it was a criticism of racism on the part of white Americans who are ignorant of the fact that there is no difference between white and black anymore" [my emphasis].

Remember when Peter from Family Guy got a job as an opinionated talk show host?

Meanwhile, take a gander at what our Democratic congress is doing! Now I can go to Hell comfortable in the knowledge that it will be very, very frozen over. While I'm at it, did you know that Michigan (interestingly the home of Hell) is one of few states without a state-level mental health parity bill?

Civilization at its finest!

All Your Internet Are Belong to Us

Did you know? Every time Alberto Gonzalez masturbates, God kills a civil liberty.

Freedom of what now?

Now Serving Tazo Chai Organic Spiced Black Tea

What would you say if you found out that the Michigan senate blocked Senate employees' access to a blog that said unkind things about it, and lied about the reason why? Would you digg it?

And "the site Mike Bishop doesn't want you to see."
Edit: Guess what I found at the site Mike Bishop doesn't want you to see?

There's not much to say; it's so obvious what's going on here. Don't let this go unnoticed. Write Mike Bishop and tell him what you think. Let other people know about this.

You Can Trust Telecomm Giants

Now Serving Hippie Juice

Yes, Really! Besides, Comcast couldn't POSSIBLY do anything after thirty days to completely screw you over. Free market!

No wait, I got it. If you didn't catch on within thirty days, you're so dumb that you deserve to be screwed over! Because Comcast couldn't, say, wait until thirty days are up.

It's alright though, the market will regulate itself. It'll do so by cautiously watching Comcast, seeing that they're totally getting away with it, and copy the practice to make sure there's no competition to turn to. Someday, experts and analysts will tell us that a world without the thirty-day arbitration period would be complete anarchy, and telecomm companies (or others) would simply be unable to do business without it.

"But wait," some will say, "There was a time when they did just fine with a fair system." "That was decades ago! Things have changed, such as x y z bullshit factor, and now we're going to bury you as lunatics by the power of the mainstream media."

Okay, seriously though, to be fair, Comcast can't actually do anything illegal to you - US Law says that illegal activity renders contracts null and void. And that's not at all debatable by Comcast lawyers in court (for the few people that get screwed the worst, and attract media attention, such lawyers will be the best money can buy - and maybe the judge will too).

That said, there's still...no, I can't think of anything, there's no way this could possibly be a good thing. Even if it is struck down by the hand of justice, it will probably be just fine in gray areas where consumers could sue previously, and if the thought counts for anything, Comcast just spelled out the depths of their vileness. They're already responsible for so much more.

I am a Consumer Whore

Now Serving Apple Pie

A sports radio DJ (Andrew Siciliano) dropped "ESPN.com" not-so-subtly in an interview on his show, envisioning a world where dog-fighting fans could check the latest scores and highlights of the dog-fighting world. Heaven forbid, of course. The legal analyst on the show mentioned that crossing state lines to gamble can get you five years in prison; crossing state lines to fight dogs gets you up to one.

A highlight of the show was when he announced that Jessica Alba was single, then stated his height and zodiac sign. He's a Virgo.

At my gig babysitting, the kids like to watch the Disney channel a lot. One of their favorite shows is "Hannah Montana," starring Miley Cyrus as a southern pop princess who's just a normal girl. She's like a combination of Ashley Simpson and Hillary Duff, but with more apple pie.

Disney recently informed Congress that it would completely eliminate any smoking from its movies. I could handle that, but when CBC DJ Eric Friesen offhandedly commended them for it, I felt miserably betrayed! For a man not just of public radio, but of Canadian public radio, that was disgraceful. I bet he voted for Steven Harper.

I'm still waiting for versions of the Harry Potter novels in internet shorthand, available on the iPhone. For those who find shorthand Shakespeare a bit too heavy. (Hamlet: "lol hi2u horatio :) <3")

Step 1: Acquire many things you don't need or even want
Step 2: Abandon all awareness of mortality*
Step 3: Sell body on street
Step 4: ??
Step 5: Profit

Extra Bonus Game Time! Fill in the blank - what would YOU put in step four?

NO TELEVISIONS WERE HARMED IN THIS RANT AGAINST CONSUMERISM

BET (one channel next to GAC where I live) is now putting out a show based on this website. I'm not the most qualified commentator by any stretch of the imagination, but I can't help feeling that a white-collar lawyer's judgemental witticisms about black people don't deserve much credit, even if she's black herself.

*Not a typo!

Carnivorous Man-Eating Babies

Now Serving Trader Joe's Jasmine Green Tea

You know, Iraq doesn't bother me much. Someone once said that familiarity breeds contempt, but if something starts out with contempt it just goes stale and becomes rotten indifference.

(Speaking of rotten, how far has Whole Foods fallen? The FTC accuses them of trying to limit competition and raise prices for consumers, after John Mackey's epic failure.)

But how awful and scary must Iraq be for the people that thought it was a good idea? They must feel betrayed and disoriented. For supporters of the war, it's though the world's been pulled out from under us.

The sad part is, we'll think we've learned something. We'll act wiser, like Iraq was a growth experience. Now we know the difference between "Arab" and "Muslim," and as soon as we get out of Iraq we can lick this Global Warming business and get back to a world where things, and America, are right.

In other news, San Francisco's attempt to create municipal wi-fi is controversial in ways you might not expect. The city is working with Google and Earthlink, but instead of aggravating Comcast and AT&T, they appear to be angering...activists! Proponents of publicly-owned wi-fi have some interesting criticisms of SF's plan, which can be found in this (hilariously biased) Wikipedia article. There's a little bit of irony here.