I Once Thought That Good Music Only Comes From India

Can someone help me out? I don't know whether to capitalize the first letters of "that" and "from" in titles.



"Indie" isn't a genre of music, any more than it's "alternative" or "punk." It is, in fact, better described as being analogous to the words "Simon Says."

Rather than a genre, "indie" is what comes before the genre of a piece of music. There's pop and indie-pop; rock and indie-rock; hip-hop and indie hip-hop. As commands in the game Simon Says should only be followed when preceded (no oxymoronic pun intended) by "Simon Says," so should music in the game Have Good Taste only be listened to when preceded by "indie."

We're playing Simon Says. Simon says buy albums from indie artists, and Simon Says steal albums from those artists whose music can only be perversely listened to as a guilty pleasure (or, whose music you put in your shared iTunes library so that others will deem you a legitimate human being). Incidentally, you are not a legitimate human being unless your tastes agree with mine.

As long as we're on analogies, I'll admit that my sententious musical commentary is analogous to a small-town newspaper's middle-aged video game reviewer. Half-remembered conversations, a brief career as a violinist in public school, and two-and-a-half music-magazine articles are the only non-auditory basis for my musical opinions. I'm still right though.

I mean, if that schmuck from the paper were to claim that Call of Duty 4 is a steaming pile of poopaganda, his severe deficiency in knowing what he's talking about would have no bearing on his being right. (That's because CoD4 is a steaming pile of poopaganda, even if it's fun and has original gameplay elements.) I can at least be right by fortunate accident (which I am).

Maybe next time I'll write about video games.

Boston Tea Party

Now Serving Strawberry Hippie Juice

Chapter I - Health Benefits of Exploitation

Paying Indians chicken feed to do your job for you isn't just outsourcing your work - it's also outsourcing your misery. Like the reverse of an international happiness vampire, our friends from across the Pacific welcome all of our unpleasant emotions. They don't mind suffering through depression and regret - on the contrary, they welcome the opportunity to improve their station in the world through fair, honest work. They're eager little beavers, ready to contribute to the world's mental health as well as its economy. You're doing them a favor by helping them to fulfill their dreams, and it improves your well-being! Be sure to also look at alternative medicines from India that we've culturally appropriated into health-fads. The more you offend their culture, the more unhappy they'll be, which we now know is the most humane result.

Someday, someone I know is going to discover a portrait of Gandhi spray-painted on his house.

...by disgruntled Indians.

...not me.