French Underground

Well! The Daily Show has leapfrogged The Huffington Post in my imaginary list of favorite political commentators.

Unlike the Huffington Post (take a first glance here, here, here, here, and in the minority opinion, here), they had the balls to ask: should we be mad at the New Yorker, or every other American south of the Mason-Dixie line? The kind of people who produce and buy these?

I wonder if they ever got around to suing that schmuck?

"Norman acknowledged the imagery's Jim Crow roots but said he sees nothing wrong with depicting a prominent African-American as a monkey.

'We're not living in the (19)40's', he said. 'Look at him . . . the hairline, the ears -- he looks just like Curious George.'"

Extra Special Bonus Game Time - Some people say things like "I thought George Bush was depicted as Curious George several years ago. Was that a racist statement too?"

Ah, those silly ignorant liberal hypocrites. Always so selective with the truth! Always making such harsh generalizations about the south! I daresay they're racist against white people. Shit, I know I am.

Frankly, it's a question of sports. Replacing hockey with NASCAR is enough for me to judge you as a people. And I do.

In keeping with my status as a racist liberal, I'll say "Many of my friends are from the south! Don't worry!" Shoot, I even have an aunt from Texas. But guess where she doesn't live any more? (Admittedly, it's not because she hated it there at all; she's quite proud of her home, and all this silliness aside, I say good for her.)

Let's talk about hate crimes. My good friend, a deliverer of pizzas, was locked in high-speed car-to-car battle with a gentlemen who had a "Don't Mess with Texas" bumper sticker. My friend triumphed when he tossed a burrito, Anchorman-style, through two open car windows straight at the guy's face. He even preceded it with a one-liner: "Hey Tex - Mess with This!" His only regret is that he didn't speed away screaming "AWWWW, SKEET SKEET SKEET MOTHERFUCKER."

Sounds like a hate crime to me. (Why did he get pissed, you ask? Our friend the Texan opted to drive slowly in front of him, put on his turn signal and slow down at every turn, only to continue going straight. Our hypothesis is that he knew a pizza delivery boy was behind him by his incredible powers of deduction - there's a "Mr. Pizza/Burrito Joint" sign on top of my friend's car - and was from Texas.)

Meanwhile, I oppressed college conservatives. There was a poster on a bathroom door, placed there by two conservative professors (one of them the sponsor of MSU's YAF, a group whose leader wears a ten-gallon cowboy hat the size of his entire body, and which opted to use music from the video game "Command and Conquer" for one of their videos) who felt that conservative voices on campus are unfairly silenced. They were half right, as I tore off the poster and took a long, satisfying dump on it.

I'm really not ashamed. To paraphrase a conservative argument, when someone declares war on you, you don't just sit back and respect their free speech. You shit on their posters. Yes, I understand that cooperation provides a much better chance for progress, and no, I don't think that culture war polemics will help our situation. The difference is, I recognize that "You can play your electric guitar, but it ain't gonna change the wo-h-h-horld."

I don't know about you, but I'm going down fighting.