Blowing It Out My Blowhole

As some may have noticed, I'm on a serious Electric Six kick.

"Now you see, the unavoidable is hard to avoid. Wake up in your own drool to find that your future is destroyed."

After that, he talks about minds being lost. And this is the part where I earn a gold star next to my name on the list of suspected terrorists.

I think I've got a new version of American History:

1) David slings Goliath in the face. The peasants rejoice.
2) David decides that next time, his enemy will probably have a forehead-protector. David does steroids.
3) David develops rippling muscles and small non-manly boobs.
4) David sheds all pretension to innocence and pulls a Robert Mugabe.
5) David, now a big mean tyrant, is almost killed when a small shepherd hits him in the face with a rock. The steroids made him susceptible to injury, but fortunately this shepherd had smoked too much of the hashish that David had given him, and couldn't hit hard enough for a killing blow.
6) David gets a forehead-protector, and doses up on medication that offsets his higher-risk-of-injury from steroids. (Side effects include losing his last shred of humanity.)
7) David returns to the shepherd that tried to hit him, bends him over, rapes him, decapitates him, and puts his head on a pike as a warning to other shepherds.
8) Bored, David goes around stabbing people who refuse to buy his steroids (or, if they have their own steroids, who refuse to give them to David for free).
9) Hearing that there are fellow-Judeans in China (true story!), David heads east and meets some Chinese people. When they seem to have some steroids of their own to sell, a confrontation develops.

Which asshole will win? Tune in next century for the exciting next chapter (and possible conclusion?) of American history!

Now, let me be absolutely clear here. This is not a story of an innocent tyrant-slayer turning into the same thing he once hated. This is a story of an out-of-work tyrant getting a job.

Our founding fathers had more than just "small character flaws," such as having slaves. They had huge character flaws, such as having slaves. They were Englishmen in an era of English Imperialism. They figured "We can do this empire bit better, so let's pull some shit about 'freedom' out of our asses, only give it to white male land-owners who aren't whiny pinkos, and get down to the business of killing brown/red people and taking all their stuff."

Sound like anti-American propaganda? I ask you: who can tell a story of himself and not be biased? "David" told us all his version of these events, and that's the only version we're raised to see as credible. "If you don't like it, you can blow it out your blowhole," like I'm doing.

By the by, I never said that I hated my own country. I don't. How can you hate the place whose people are most similar to you? How can I hate people who were essentially raised in the same way I was, in the same place and speaking the same language? Neither "My country, right or wrong" nor "My country, always wrong" are really going to get the job done for you. If you can't see the difference between what I'm saying here and what I've said previously in this post, scrutinize it more carefully.