I am a Consumer Whore

Now Serving Apple Pie

A sports radio DJ (Andrew Siciliano) dropped "ESPN.com" not-so-subtly in an interview on his show, envisioning a world where dog-fighting fans could check the latest scores and highlights of the dog-fighting world. Heaven forbid, of course. The legal analyst on the show mentioned that crossing state lines to gamble can get you five years in prison; crossing state lines to fight dogs gets you up to one.

A highlight of the show was when he announced that Jessica Alba was single, then stated his height and zodiac sign. He's a Virgo.

At my gig babysitting, the kids like to watch the Disney channel a lot. One of their favorite shows is "Hannah Montana," starring Miley Cyrus as a southern pop princess who's just a normal girl. She's like a combination of Ashley Simpson and Hillary Duff, but with more apple pie.

Disney recently informed Congress that it would completely eliminate any smoking from its movies. I could handle that, but when CBC DJ Eric Friesen offhandedly commended them for it, I felt miserably betrayed! For a man not just of public radio, but of Canadian public radio, that was disgraceful. I bet he voted for Steven Harper.

I'm still waiting for versions of the Harry Potter novels in internet shorthand, available on the iPhone. For those who find shorthand Shakespeare a bit too heavy. (Hamlet: "lol hi2u horatio :) <3")

Step 1: Acquire many things you don't need or even want
Step 2: Abandon all awareness of mortality*
Step 3: Sell body on street
Step 4: ??
Step 5: Profit

Extra Bonus Game Time! Fill in the blank - what would YOU put in step four?

NO TELEVISIONS WERE HARMED IN THIS RANT AGAINST CONSUMERISM

BET (one channel next to GAC where I live) is now putting out a show based on this website. I'm not the most qualified commentator by any stretch of the imagination, but I can't help feeling that a white-collar lawyer's judgemental witticisms about black people don't deserve much credit, even if she's black herself.

*Not a typo!

Ace Deuce

Now Serving Irish Breakfast Tea

My slingshot monkey lost his hands in a slingshot accident. "I'm having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day and I'm moving to Australia."

The Ann Arbor Art Fair had what can only be called a politics street. Everybody has a booth now, not just artists - stores have booths in front, bums can harp one-dollar bottled waters (that's like paying eight Washingtons a gallon for water, by the way), sponsors got booths - so why not give a street over to Greyhound and Anti-Circumcision activists.

I had a petition to sign, so I knew where to start looking. Every church had a stall for a street-preacher - the Churches of Mitt Romney, Amnesty International, Communism, certainly Global Warming, and others. Nudists were fortunately keeping their activism to a modest level, while I scanned the booths for a tell-tale "NORML" or leaf image.

I would be initially disappointed, but not before stuffing my pockets with a Calvary CD (apparently targeting Arabic-speaking peoples) and random pamphlet I didn't want, but somehow had. I also signed three Amnesty International petitions and was tempted to ask the Pro-Life booth where I could find a marijuana petition.

I found it finally not in a booth, but with a random guy who coincidentally lived in the same county I did. He helped me out with rules affecting changing dormitory addresses as a registered voter, and I signed his petition (which, apparently, earned him two bucks).

Later in the day, I saw a guy walking down the street with a giant picture of an aborted fetus on his sign, above which read "'CHOICE,'" twice. One of them came when my Neil Young-like employer was discussing politics with a Greco-Indian-English woman who he'd haggled with earlier. The second time, he yelled "That's obscene!" directly at the guy, who walked on by stoically of course.

I'm definitely not moving to Australia.