Old People Love to Argue

Dear Barack Obama,

Hello. My name is Joel, and I'm a canvasser working for your campaign. I'd like to talk to you a little bit about my grandfather.

My grandfather is 94 years old. He's had several strokes, and is now afflicted with a debilitating dementia that renders him barely able to communicate, let alone remember most things. He has military experience, and rose to the rank of staff sergeant; today, he'll confusedly report having been a staff sergeant at his local synagogue.

Three times a week, I go to his house to help take him to an adult day-care center. As he's in a wheel-chair, it takes two people (myself and a hired helper) to get him out of the house, into a car, and back again later in the day. What little time he has at this center is all he has to look forward to, other than his favorite food, White Castle hamburgers. (Ironically, he was once president of the Michigan Public Health Association.)

I'm writing you not about any particular seniors' issue, or about any particular disease. I am not advocating for federally funded programs for old people or anything relating to social security. I am, in fact, suggesting my grandfather as a possible practice-opponent to help you prepare for your upcoming debates with John McCain. With Jennifer Granholm playing the part of Sarah Palin for the sake of honing Joe Biden's debate skills, I figure you need someone who somewhat resembles John McCain. My grandfather has experience in the military, was engaged in politics through his public health career (where he was even a president!), and most importantly, will present you with an intellectual challenge similar to what you'll face in the real debates.

Thank you for your time,

Me

P.S. - I can't believe you're in favor of charter schools! You can be a real schmuck sometimes, you know that?